Naps and the People Who Take Them

College is back in session and to a special group of people this means one thing. Little to no sleep. Some people were blessed with the ability of waking up after noon, scratching their bellies, and falling back asleep. I thought I had finally broke from the terribly lethargic disease I like to call "Cat Nap Fever". Before I tell my story I should clarify a few things. There are two types of victims suffering from CNF: the proudly afflicted or the secretly destitute.

By law, Ted Nugent is the official spokesman for CNF

The Proudly Afflicted
-Will tell everyone how terribly they slept last night, and mention to everyone who looks like they are listening that it is in fact "Nap Time"
-Wear comfortable clothing in case they need to fall asleep on queue, no matter the location
                      (Sweatpants, Gym Shorts, Hoodies, Fuzzy Socks, Robes, Birthday Suit)
-Has an unhealthy supply of NyQuil, Tylenol PM, or other sleep aides that will be used for daytime purposes
-Never makes their bed, because they never no when it will need to be ready
-Has a foam mattress/pillow - Invests heavily in their comfort 
-Strong tolerance of Coffee or Energy Drinks, as they are not easily influenced by their power
-Have been known to forgo meals for a quick nap
-Avoid brunches or meetings that happen before 1:00 PM on weekends or holidays

The Secretly Destitute
-Who knows? It's a secret.

This afternoon, I dropped a class just because it started at 8 in the morning. I need this class to graduate. The minute I walked out of the Registrar, the little British man in my head who reassures me of my decisions went very quiet. That's when I knew my CNF was back. The British man had been telling me for the last day that my semester was going to be tough enough, and I listened because he's very convincing. When the soft lulls and coos of "Reginald", I call him Reginald, stopped a great darkness came over me. "I'm too tired to even lie to myself", I thought. My productivity line chart peaked and shot downwards. I needed my fix, had to have my fix. If only I had my blanket...

If CNF goes untreated, victims will ultimately become adorable.

There is no cure for CNF. The real world is full of sleepy people whom we pass by everyday without the slightest notice. You might be afflicted yourself. It is not hereditary. CNF can strike anyone at anytime. All we can do is pray. Pray that one day, someone will invent the 4 day work week or the 12-5.

In the meantime, be respectful of us, and alwaysssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss