Grid Iron Grimace

It's been more than a week since my last post. In that time I've written about 3 drafts, but they read like I was rambling more than usual. So, in the spirit of September I bring an issue to the table that many feel need to be addressed.

Not everyone likes football.

Whart did that fellar say?

It's true. When you come up to me and say "DID YOU SEE THAT GAME YESTERDAY?!" I assume something exciting happened. Images race through my mind.....

An oddly quiet stadium. The blue team is biting their nails as the red team storms through the blue D-Line and inches, nay feets, ever closer to the in-zone. But what's this? One of the blue players is taking off his helmet...what is he doing?....Oh my gosh, closer inspection of the player reveals that he is in fact a she. Why does she look familiar? I look back to my childhood and recognize her as the puppeteer for Lambchop's Play Along. In a moment of silent prayer she prays an ancient Wiccan curse, typical, and causes the entrails of the red team to coughed up simultaneously.

But no. Apparently Tennessee was behind by 20+ points and eventually tied it up and won in double overtime. Ecstatic fan, please save your game comments for when beloved Children's TV show icons show up and devour souls.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the Super Bowl. But doesn't everybody? What other event on TV can boast live rock concert, the most anticipated movie trailers, the cream of the crop in advertising, fireworks, oh, and football.

All this bickering has to come from somewhere though. I just never grew up with football. My dad worked all the time, so the first real exposure I got was from friends and Remember The Titans during Black History month in middle school.

Then there is the whole issue of living in Alabama. We get that special privilege many states get, in that we get to be questioned by complete strangers on what team we go for. Here's another scenario for you.

"Auburn or Alabammy?"
"Sir?"
"Who you rootin for?"

I sit and wonder why I'm being asked this question. I think of a way to piss him off.

"I'm not sure if you are wholly aware of this, but the Civil War is over. Why Auburn succeeded from Alabama, no one told me, but I'll put my money on the state of Alabama, just for the shear fact that they have numbers."

"....er, um. Roll Tide, sonny."

"Roll Tide indeed."

What's worse is if you answer the question wrong. If you were to respond "Auburn" the fan could react in two ways. A joking manner or completely ridiculous. You could receive a tsk tsk or a "GIT OUTTA MA STORE! DON'T YOU EVER COME TO FRED'S MATERNITY CLOTHES AGAIN" for opposing them. I'm not going to tell you what I was doing in a maternity store, or the real reason Fred was mad.

As I've learned time and time again, I just have to suck it up. Sadly, baseball is almost over, and it's only a couple of weeks until basketball, so I'll just keep treating it like I always have. I'll stay low and try not to draw attention to myself on game days.